Every summer has one, after all — a movie that once sounded like a great idea and, by the time it actually opens, has turned into a project that leaves audiences wondering, What the hell were they thinking? Two years ago, it was the Wachowski Brothers hyper-stylized Speed Racer, which crashed and burned within days of its debut.
Remember what last years First Bomb was? How quickly some of us have forgotten Land of the Lost, Will Ferrells $100 million rehash of a bad Saturday-morning TV show from the 1970s. The alleged comedy alienated audiences of all ages: too raunchy for kids — thus, the PG-13 rating — and too juvenile for those who might have had happy memories of the original series.
To add insult to injury, Lost had the great misfortune to open on the same weekend as the super-sleeper The Hangover, which played all season long.
Which of this summers would-be blockbusters will self-destruct? Probably not Shrek Forever After, which opens Friday. Despite tepid early word-of-mouth, the franchises long and lustrous history guarantees there will be at least some initial audience interest.
Nor is next weeks Sex and the City 2 likely to be an underachiever, even though the 140-minute running time could leave those who dont worship Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall feeling, shall we say, a bit over-Sex-ed.
So Shrek and Sex are probably wearing immunity idols. That may not be the case with Prince of Persia (opening May 28), based on a video game (never a good sign, as the screen versions of Super Mario Bros., Doom, Flight Commander, Alone in the Dark, House of the Dead, etc. will tell you). Prince stars the usually moody, intense Jake Gyllenhaal in his first outing as an action hero (hey, if Tobey Maguire could do it ), with stock villain Ben Kingsley — yup, the same man who once won an Oscar for portraying Gandhi — as the nasty Nizam, who wants to rule the world.
June 4 brings a live-action version of Marmaduke — somebody thought it sounded like a great idea; probably the same guys who adored those grating Garfield movies — and Get Him to the Greek, a raunch-arama in which determined music biz lackey Jonah Hill tries to control rambunctious rock star Russell Brand. Universals decision to launch Greek the first weekend of June might be a wish for lightning to strike twice: Thats the same weekend Warner Bros. opened The Hangover last year.
Speaking of WB, the studio has a film coming up on June 18 thats already attracted some dire buzz. Jonah Hex, based on a comic book series, stars Josh Brolin as a gunslinger with a deformed face and a hunger for vengeance.
Early reports indicate audiences like Brolins performance very much — its just the rest of the movie theyre not so hot about, especially Megan Foxs performance as a hooker with a heart of gold {wooden was one of the kinder adjectives used to describe Foxs star turn) and the combination of sophisticated weaponry and Old West shootouts, which gave some viewers Wild Wild West flashbacks.
Wild Wild West starred, of course, Will Smith, and prior to Jonah, ticket-buyers will be faced with Smiths son, Jaden, as The Karate Kid (coming June 11). In this loose remake of the 1984 hit, the young Smith plays a Detroiter who moves to China with his mom and seeks self-defense training after hes run over by the Welcome Wagon. Enter Mr. Han (Jackie Chan), who teaches the kid — uh, kung fu. But perhaps The Kung Fu Kid simply doesnt have that magic ring to it.
All the kung fu and/or karate in the world may not be enough to save Smith and Chan from the tag team of Woody and Buzz, however, when Pixars Toy Story 3 comes to cinemas June 18. And yes, Mr. Potato Head, Jessie the Cowgirl, Rex the Dinosaur and Hamm the Pig are coming in for back-up: Hey, even Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita would have stepped aside.
For reviews see Cole Smitheys Movie Week click here.
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