Doctor, you've got to be kidding

Doctors are not supposed to be funny, but Birmingham plastic surgeon Anthony Youn must have skipped that class in how to maintain a sternly serious demeanor at Michigan State University’s College of Human Medicine.

His new memoir “In Stitches” is a hilarious look at growing up as a teen in the small town of Greenville, surviving some serious clumsy teenage moments as one of a few Koreans in a virtually all-white community and finally dragging his butt out of bed for four years of medical school.

“In Stitches” is one of those books that is hard to categorize. At different points it’s pure David Sedaris, sometimes it’s “Tiger Mom” and it’s all rolled up in TV’s “Scrubs.”

Youn said he didn’t want to write some boring doctor’s book.

“I wanted to write an honest book about what it’s like to become a doctor,” Youn said.

He especially wanted to tell the “humorous" truth, which he manages to do with great big gobs of self-deprecating humor.

In a recent phone interview Youn talked frankly about how most doctors are nerds. “These are the same kids who were teased,” he said.

And teased he was in Greenville, until he turned his nerdy behavior around to become one of his class’s best dressed and most-likely-to-succeed students by the time he graduated. In his book he says being named runner-up for best dressed was the “award I worked hardest to achieve.”

What he didn’t get was any action, which he talks about in-depth in his memoir. And it was the kind of action he wanted most: Youn. like most males. craved sex.

He tells how he struck out all four years at Kalamazoo College. For Youn, college was the “worst four years of my life.”

It’s not as if he didn’t try. At one point he even found himself on a date with a real fire-eater. (He should’ve been tipped off when he met her at K Mart buying a gallon of lighter fluid.)

Youn tells how his quest for sex even entered into his decision between choosing MSU or Wayne State University. He chose MSU because he wanted a clean slate away from his nerd friends. He also had another reason, as he points out in italics in his book: “I want to get laid.”

There will not be a spoiler here, but it’s safe to say his pursuit of that goal, along with the rigors of becoming a doctor, are the basis for one funny romp.

Youn does admit he’s no Tucker Max: “I’m the anti-Tucker Max.”

Although girls and medical humor fill most of the book to the brim, especially his years at MSU (1994 to 1998), there are some dramatic turns of events that tell you everything you need to know about Youn and why he became a doctor and in particular a plastic surgeon.

Early on in the book Youn tells you about his particular affliction in a chapter titled “Jawzilla.”

He was burdened with one of those jutting jaws reminiscent of mountainside cliffs. Fortunately for Youn, a plastic surgeon resculpted his face. It would be easy to assume that moment launched Youn’s dream to become a plastic surgeon, but you learn later in one of the more poignant moments of the book that it was during his third year of medical school, when he was rotating through sub specialties, that a baby who had been attacked by a pet raccoon was his direct inspiration. 

Youn finds medical school is not all fun and games. Another telling moment comes in his first year when he finds himself confronting a pile of severed hands in an anatomy class.

He writes: “I have been given a gift and that I have a mission and a responsibility. I feel obligated to the people who gave us their hands.”

Youn says he was almost predestined to become a doctor: For his father, a pediatrician in Greenville, the only question is what kind of doctor. Youn’s father drives his son with the intensity of a “tiger mom,” even canceling a Christmas trip when he’s unnaturally disappointed at Youn and his older brother’s poor study habits.

When it comes time to tell his family he has a book coming out, Youn waits until it is almost on the shelves before sending it to them. He’s apprehensive about calling to find out how they liked it.

“I was freaked. I called mom to see what happened. She told me she cried for two days. I thought, ’Oh man, this is bad.’”

He said his mother was moved because of the pain he had experienced as a child and young adult. She told him she had explained to his dad that he had dramatized everything.

“Not!” Youn said. But he would never tell his father that.

Youn said his father liked the book and told him that as the first-generation Korean his role was to be a stepping stone for his son to “step over to the other side.”

That other side includes Youn’s role as a celebrity plastic surgeon — which is not the same thing as a plastic surgeon for celebrities.

Youn is a frequent guest on "The Rachael Ray Show" and CBS’ "The Early Show" and has appeared on Fox News’ "The O’Reilly Factor." He also blogs at celebcosmeticsurgery.com.

Even after his tremendous success in his career Youn still worries.

“I have mixed feelings how medical school will react,” he said.

If his former teachers are smart, they will buy a copy of "In Stitches" for each incoming medical student and make sure they read it.

Youn already has plans for his next book, which will follow him through his residency in Grand Rapids. Watch out: Here comes the doctor who confronts leeches on a porn star’s nipples, giant "man boobs" and the search for a woman of his dreams.

Dr. Anthony Youn
Author of "In Stitches"
7 p.m. Thursday, May 5
Schuler Books & Music
1982 Grand River Ave,,
Okemos
Free
(517) 349-8840
www.schulerbooks.com