Dear City Pulse: I just wanted to drop you a quick line and wish you a happy 10th birthday. Since you were just a little squirt, you have played an important role in my life, and I hope to continue to see you grow.
I talked to your dad, Berl, the other day. He said you’re doing quite well. Sometimes you wear him out, but I know that deep down he still loves you as much as the day you were born.
Still, those of us who care about the old codger continue to check up on him to make sure you’re not running him too ragged. You’re probably too young to remember this, but I used to be your step dad. You see, good ole’ pops wanted to concentrate more on buying some new suits, so he left me the paper so he could work on something he calls “the business end.” Basically, I fed you and put you to bed every Tuesday night, while your father was cavorting about town selling advertisements and joining the Chamber of Commerce. I couldn’t have done it without the help of some of your relatives, like uncle Larry and aunt Whitney, as well as your cousins, Heather, Adrienne and Emily. Your uncles Kyle and Bill also pitched in. It was truly a labor of love.
Speaking of Larry and Kyle, please send them my regards. I hope you realize how lucky you are to still have them in your lives after all these years.
Now, like a lot of us, you seem to be putting on some weight. Back when I was around, you were 20, maybe 24 pages — and that was on a good week! Now I see you’re up to 28, 32, sometimes even 40 pages. Looking good, little buddy. But City Pulse, we do need to talk about the source of some of your weight gain. Funyums, Cool Ranch Doritos and Taco Bell are not staples of a healthful diet. Put down the pot brownie and pick up an apple, will you? And kiddo, let me be blunt about the pot. It seems like all you do these days is lock yourself up in your room, turn on cartoons, crank up Led Zeppelin’s fourth album, light up a doobie and write whatever comes to mind. People are starting to talk. Don’t think we can’t smell it on you. Once in a while is fine, but every single week? Try as you might, you can’t make a black light poster out of newsprint. You just can’t. I don’t mean to be hard on you — my criticism comes from a good place in my heart. I cherish my memories of you, and I want nothing for the best for you. You really do mean an awful lot to a whole bunch of people in this town. We all just want you to do your very best.
Keep reporting on the grime, glitz and glam that is Lansing. Keep telling us about those plays that we were too lazy or middlebrow to see ourselves. Keep holding elected officials accountable. Keep giving us ideas for things to do on the weekend.
Keep making our city a better place to live.
Thomas P. Morgan is a former reporter, news editor and managing editor of City Pulse.