All I want for Christmas

Obviously, there is much more to the holidayseason than the things that we wish for under the tree on Christmas morning. Therealways seems to be a greater joy in giving than in receiving, but I must admitthat there is a certain gratification in ending the curiosity Christmas morningand finally discovering what was hidden in each package with my name printed onthe tag.

It’s a battle between bestowing our time,talents and gifts unto others while at the same time thinking of our own wantsand needs. This internal clash of greed versus generosity varies fromindividual to individual, but it exists in all of us. This is part of humannature. The holiday season involves reflecting on the things we are gratefulfor, passing on joy to others but also making our own wish lists, a true timeof contradiction that is more obvious the last two months of every year. Fortunately,the kindness of the human spirit is widespread enough this time of year,overshadowing the contradiction that comes with this season.

My holiday wish list through the years hasresembled a broken record. Every year my wife and children ask me what I wouldlike for Christmas, and every year my wish list seems like a mirror image ofthe list from previous years. Gloves, socks, hats, shirts, Garmin watches and booksabout running seem to make their way under the Christmas tree each year, makingthe theme of my gifts running-related.

My wish for Christmas this year follows thesame theme, but this year’s wish is in many ways different than any that I haveever asked for. You see what I am asking for this year is something that mywife and kids can’t give to me. What I long for this Christmas will not fitunder the tree in a gift box. The thing that I want most this year can only begiven to me through patience, hope, faith and maybe a tiny bit of good fortune.This year I want nothing more than to be able to run again before the New Year.

Of my 13 years of running, this year has seenmore days of not running than any other. My first round of injuries began lastFebruary, when I fractured a rib as the result of a nasty fall during a run. Thissidelined me for a few weeks, but it was closer to six weeks before I could runwith the intensity that I was accustomed to. Fortunately, I was able to crosstrain with my elliptical trainer during my hiatus from running. I worried thatI would lose all of the fitness that I had built over the years during thistime, but it took only a matter of a few weeks to get back to where Iwas.

My running continued to roll smoothly throughmuch of the spring until I experienced a slight twinge in my right hamstringduring a run, near the end of May. I thought that this would pass, but I spentmuch of the summer going through physical therapy and spending more hourscycling than running. I worried that I would be unable to run a fall marathonfor the first time since 1998, but my hamstring issue seemed to resolve itselfand I had worked up to an 18-mile run by the first Saturday in September. Thenext weekend I raced the Battle Creek Corporate 5K and mile in consecutivedays, missing a personal record in both events by seconds. My running seemed tobe back on track.

The confidence that had disappeared during thesummer months seemed to be returning, but after going for a run the nextMonday, I experienced some pain in my right hip. I rested a few days and ranDances with Dirt the following Saturday, only to have the pain come back at ahigher intensity. The discomfort seemed to diffuse again, so I attempted onemore run the following week, but the pain returned and I have not been able torun since.

Racing the 5K and mile on consecutive days,while coming back from a hamstring injury may not have been the only thing thatcontributed to my hip injury, but I am confident that it played a major role. Icontinued to use the elliptical and stationary bike for a few weeks, but eventhis became painful. An X-ray and MRI showed nothing abnormal, which I supposeis positive. I have been going through physical therapy again for almost sixweeks. My physical therapist has diagnosed it as a strain of the hip flexormuscles, giving me a range of four to 12 weeks for recovery. It has been almosteight weeks, and Christmas Day will bring with it the high end of that range,with 12 weeks of no running. So you see if my physical therapist’s diagnosis isaccurate, I will be able to run on Christmas Day, giving me the only Christmaspresent that I am asking for this year.

Most runners struggle with downtime at onetime or another as they work through an injury. I would imagine that some ofthe struggles that I have gone through the last eight weeks are very similar towhat many runners have experienced. A downtime can be a positive, giving timeto focus on other things with a slight more vigor than would otherwise occurduring the course of a weekly running schedule, but not being able to run canstill present a major challenge for the avid runner. I have always been able toreplace running with other forms of exercise while coasting through injuries,but when it became difficult to cross-train back in late September, I concludedthat it was time to back off from everything and let the injury take itscourse. The problem is, I was convinced I would be able to return in three orfour weeks. As three weeks turned into four weeks and the progress seemedminimal, other thoughts and questions began to penetrate my mind. Will I everrun at the same level or same intensity again? Will I ever run again?

Being in the midst of an extended periodwithout running, fears about never being able to run again still come upperiodically. The mind games associated with my layoff from running have notconsumed me but there have been those days with sunny skies, a slight breezeand temperatures in the 60s when I have struggled emotionally, trying to erasethoughts of going out and enjoying the day with a run.

A few weeks ago, while looking out the windowand seeing flurries of snow float from the sky, a realization suddenly came tome. I had missed the entire autumn running season, my favorite time of year torun. Perhaps the most difficult obstacle for me was standing on the sidelinesas many of my friends and acquaintances completed a marathon. This would be myfirst autumn since 1998 that I had not run a marathon, leaving void in my heartthat could not be filled. For the last 13 years running an October marathon wasas much a part of the season for me as the change in temperatures and thetapestry of colors covering the landscape here in Michigan.

Although thoughts of not being able toexperience the positives that I had come to enjoy as a direct result of runninghave filtered through my mind, there are those blessings in my life that arenot directly a result of running, but still related to running that I havefeared were in jeopardy as well. Through the years, running has brought to memany friendships. Although there are those friendships that I know will surviveif I do not run again, I worry about others that might fizzle if running werenot a part of my life anymore. Continuing to be able to share my stories andperspective on life through running with all of you each month also seemed tobe at risk. Writing has become an important part of my life much like running. Writingexercises my mind just as running exercises my body.

Without running, what would I have to writeabout? When my running schedule is back to normal a few months from now theseconcerns shall seem absurd. The longer I wait, the more my hope is tested as Istrive to hold on to the belief that I will get through this bump in the road.

All of us wish for material things this timeof year and throughout the year, but I would suspect that it is the simplething in life that we enjoy the most. Family, friends and good health top thelist of these simple things in life for most of us. Running has been one ofthose simple joys in my life. Although I have always been grateful for whatrunning does for me day after day, it is still something that is taken forgranted. Like many things in life, running is not a necessity. Most personal wisheshave at least a trace of greed rooted in them. Although I have no desire to beconsumed by greed, I do hope that my simple wish this year will find its wayunder my Christmas tree.
Keep running!