Valentine's Day Don'ts

Oh, Valentine’s Day. It is such a love-hate relationship with you. Your evolution from celebrating martyrdom to celebrating consumerism has been a long — and at times, awkward — journey. 

But here at City Pulse, we’re still lovers. And if you’re lonely this year, why not load up on your favorite bottle of cabernet and muster up the courage to seek out your future partner?

On that point, we said we’re lovers, not dating experts. If you’re looking for dating advice, the best we can offer is a what-not-to-do.

For your enjoyment (and education), here are a few reader-submitted pick-up lines — and a few staff favorites — as cheap as the mass-produced card on which you planned to write it. If you’ve ever used any of these, we understand why you’re bored and lonely at home this year. 

“Is your name Google? Cause you got everything I´m searching for.”

“Are you from Nashville? Because you´re the only Ten-I-see.”

“I´m a coroner, and you’re drop dead gorgeous!”

“How do you like your eggs — fried or fertilized?”

“You look like I could use a drink.”

“On a scale of America to North Korea, how free are you tonight?”

“You with all those curves and me with no brakes.”

“Are you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all night.”

Events on and around Valentine´s Day

Feb. 13 - Tweens: Valentine´s Day Crafts. Ages 9-13. Call to register. 6-7:30 p.m. FREE. Delta Township District Library, 5130 Davenport Drive, Lansing. (517) 321-4014 ext. 3. dtdl.org.

Feb. 14 - Family Education Day. Valentine´s Day crafts. 5 p.m. FREE. Lansing City Market, 325 City Market Drive, Lansing. (517) 483-7460.

Feb. 14 - Chocolate Valentine. 10 p.m.-2 a.m. $10. Fahrenheit Ultra Lounge, 6810 S. Cedar St., Lansing. (517) 505-0833.

Feb. 16 - Valentine´s Day Dance. Food & drink provided. Beginning rhumba, 7 p.m. Dancing, 8 p.m. $9 members, $13 guests. Central United Methodist Church, 215 N. Capitol Ave., Lansing. usadance2037.org.