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Wednesday, August 26,2015

Advice Goddess

Wait Lifting And Wuthering Fights

by Amy Alkon
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 26 — Q: I’m a 37-year-old woman, and I’ve always been quick to have sex, but I’m trying to just “date” first. Well, I’ve been on five dates with this one guy, and all we’ve done is kiss. Now I’m beginning to think that...
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Wednesday, August 19,2015

Advice Goddess

You Luddite Up My Life And Generation Text

by Amy Alkon
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19 — Q: My boyfriend will text if he’s running late but says texting “isn’t real communication.” He says that if I need to talk, I should call him. I get that anything serious should be discussed via phone. However, we live separately, and so...
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Wednesday, August 12,2015

Advice Goddess

Gone Juan And Err Of Mystery

by Amy Alkon
WEDNESDAY, Aug 12 — Q: I’m a 20-year-old woman, and for three months last year, I dated a 21-year-old guy. Suddenly, out of the blue, he stopped returning my calls. I spent about a month trying to find out what had happened, but he wouldn’t respond to texts or email, eith...
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Wednesday, August 5,2015

Advice Goddess

A Force To Be Reckoned Whiff And Fifty Shades Of Nay

by Amy Alkon
WEDNESDAY, Aug 5 — Q: My new boyfriend travels a lot for work. Before he left on this trip, he gave me his weird onesie lounging garment. It’s this disturbing “As Seen On TV” thing called a Forever Lazy. It’s like a fleece blanket, but with legs, a hood and a…umm….back flap for easy bathroom access. I was hesitant about taking it, but he said, “Take it! It’s so comfy! It’s the bomb!” Of course, I don’t wear this weird thing, but it smells just like him. I’ve found myself cuddling up with it and sniffing it. Like, a lot. And it’s not just about missing him; it’s about the smell. I feel like a serial killer! What is wrong with me?!
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Wednesday, July 29,2015

Advice Goddess

Lord Of The Ringer And Braggedy Andy

by Amy Alkon
WEDNESDAY, July 29 — Q: I had an affair with a married man, and we fell madly in love, and he left his wife for me. We’ve been happily married for many years, but recently, I found out that he’s still in contact with his ex-wife. I got suspicious, bought a voice-activated recorder, and tapped our landline. Lo and behold, they’re having hot phone sex while I’m visiting my elderly mother on Sundays! I can't believe he would disrespect me like this! Especially after all we’ve done (like moving across the country to get away from his psycho ex). I really love him, so I’m wondering whether I should confront him or just seethe in silence (because I know he won’t go back to her). And honestly, I’m not even sure phone sex is really cheating.
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Wednesday, July 22,2015

Advice Goddess

Sleepless In Fallujah And Hat Crime

by Amy Alkon
WEDNESDAY, July 15 — Q: I just broke up with my girlfriend of seven months. We fought constantly, but the sex was amazing. Reviewing my relationships, it seems I have the best sex in the volatile ones — those where we argue all the time and really don’t get along. I’m wondering whether there’s a connection between anger and sex.
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Wednesday, July 15,2015

Advice Goddess

Mourning Breath And Jerk du Soleil

by Amy Alkon
WEDNESDAY, July 15 — Q: I was engaged to a woman 20 years ago. We were in college and in our mid-20s. I realized that I wasn’t ready to get married and called off the engagement. I loved her and wanted to stay with her, but she broke off the relationship. I’ve had relationships since then, but I still regret not marrying her. She’s married now, and I shouldn’t even be thinking about her so many years later, but I can’t seem to shake the loss of her. How do I get her — and, moreover, the regret — out of my head?
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Wednesday, July 8,2015

Advice Goddess

Requiem For A Scream And Flee Market Capitalism

by Amy Alkon
WEDNESDAY, July 8 — Q: I’m a 28-year-old woman in a relationship with a really great guy. The problem is, it started as a hookup, and I faked my orgasm. I didn’t announce I was having one, but I, um, made certain noises. I was enjoying myself, but I just didn’t feel one coming, and I didn’t want him to feel bad. Now that we’re “a thing,” I can’t keep faking, but I’m not sure how to tell him.
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Wednesday, July 1,2015

Advice Goddess

Emotion Sickness

by Amy Alkon
WEDNESDAY, July 1 — Q: Last week, my girlfriend was all annoyed about something (something relatively unimportant). I’m normally not a bad listener, but I was getting stressed out just hearing about this. I blurted out, “Calm down!” and she really flipped, yelling, “DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!” It took me forever (and lots of “I’m sorrrreeee”s) to get her to mellow out. I mentioned this incident to a friend, and he said, “Man, don’t you know? You never say that to a woman!” Please explain.
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Wednesday, June 24,2015

Advice Goddess

Crowd Mary And Grin Acres

by Amy Alkon
WEDNESDAY, June 24 — Q: I’m trying to take a break from dating and work on myself because I keep ending up with really jerky guys. I’m an extrovert — very social and outgoing — and I find it hard to just chill by myself. I get bored and lonely. I want to pick better guys, but I hate being alone on a Saturday night with a phone that doesn’t ring.
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