|By Amy Alkon|
Tease For Two And The Blocked Stallion
Q: I'm dating a wonderful guy I'm totally in love with. He’s always looked up to his older brother, a very attractive guy who’s a real lady’s man. I’ve found myself behaving in some unsettling ways when we hang out with his brother, like fixing myself up beforehand like I’ve got a big date. I realized that I want his brother to want me. I get a very naughty feeling when he looks me up and down, and I love it. To be clear, I don’t want him in any real or threatening way, and I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship with my boyfriend. Perhaps I’m motivated by knowing that my boyfriend has never been envied by his brother, and now I get to make that happen.
A: Like many good people, you’re inspired to do volunteer work to bolster the less fortunate, such as the boy who grew up deprived of being envied by his older brother. Interestingly, others who do charitable work, like Salvation Army Santas, somehow manage to accomplish it without first re-engineering their cleavage to graze their jawline.
Q: I really like this guy from my college English class. We hang out a lot, eating together and playing pingpong, and when it was raining, we ducked into a building and talked till 2 a.m. No matter how much I flirt with him, including touching him, he never makes a move or touches me, beyond once fist-bumping with me for what seemed like a long time. Should I make a move on him?
A: A man’s body language can tell a woman a lot about his intentions. A series of fist bumps, for example, suggests he wants to have a burping contest. You’ve done your part — flirting to let this guy know you’re interested — which was his cue to do his part and ask you out. There are four possible reasons he hasn’t: 1. He’s gay. 2. He’s got a girlfriend. 3. He’s just not interested. 4. He’s a huge wimp. Even if you suspect he’s a wimp who’s crushing on you, do you really want to reward this behavior by manning up and doing the asking? If a man can’t endure a possible 10 seconds of rejection, is he the man you want with you when danger rears its head? (You’ll be facing it head-on; he’ll be hiding behind a bush.) Look elsewhere for a boyfriend, and look to this guy for what he’s capable of providing: friendship. In fact, it seems he’s fast becoming one of your best girlfriends — although probably not the one to go to when you need to borrow a tampon.
Advice Goddess Radio: Dr. Randy Paterson on how and why to be assertive in your work, friendships, and relationships.
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