Climbing to the top with the final five

The second and final round of voting in the 11th annual City Pulse/Fox 47 Top of the Town contest is now open.

Konstantin, can you hear me? Come in, Konstantin. Utter the pass words, please. How sadly the fermented mare’s milk dribbles down my stiletto heels! So it is you, Konstantin Svyatoslavovich! Yes. I read you, Dmitri. How goes the plan to hack the Lansing vote and show the world that Western democracy is but a hollow sham? Not well, Konstantin. Alas, the first round of voting did not descend into chaos. On the contrary, many voters participated peacefully in a celebration of Lansing’s best eateries, services and businesses. Are they clutching each others’ throats in bitter contention?

Nyet, Konstantin. Instead of pitting them against one another, we have only sharpened their appreciation of the fine things Michigan’s capiatal has to offer. This is very plokho, Dmitri. Not good. You will surely answer to Vladimir Vladimirovich. I wouldn’t drink anything fizzy for a while if I were you. Dmitri? Are you there? Yes, but you are fading. Adjust your zhopa, I am losing you. As we were saying, welcome to the second round of voting.

The first round whittled the choices in each category to five. The second round, which runs to May 29. City Pulse will announce the winners in our June 20 issue.

Ballots will be counted at the most subterranean chamber of a reinforced missile silo left from the Cold War. When the votes are counted, the location of the silo will be revealed by Pat Gillespie and he will launch his next apartment project, Bunker Place.

Konstantin, I have broken into the signal again. Take heart, we have not failed. I have an idea. Cease our attempts at hacking and let the voting go as planned. The soft citizens of Lansing will only dissipate their energies further, in a decadent morass of brew pubs, restaurants, marijuana, dentists, haircuts and all of the other 151 subcategories named in this decadent contest.

You are right, Dmitri. The Crimea was only the beginning. Soon we will rest our yagoditsy on the banks of the Grand River! But again I fear I lose your signal...

As we were about to say, there are eight main categories and 151 subcategories. You must vote in at least 15 subcategories to have your votes count.

You may spread your 15 votes through multiple main categories. You can only submit one entry per email address, so don’t hit that submit button until you’ve voted in all the categories you wanted to.

The Final Five run-off contest runs until precisely 11:59 p.m., Tuesday, May 29. Be mindful that first round votes do not roll over, all contestants in the Final Five must start from scratch. Winners will be announced June 20.

Vote online at www.lansingcitypulse.com.

If you don’t want to submit your vote digitally, you can bring or mail a paper list with your picks to the City Pulse, 1905 E. Michigan Ave., Lansing 48912.