Lorenzo Lopez: ‘I would not change a thing’

(The author is a longtime local activist for the LGBTQ+ and Latino communities.)

“Coming out” is a process by which an individual recognizes his or her sexual orientation and openly discloses it to others. It could be family, friends, co-workers, or whomever they are comfortable sharing that information with. Keep in mind that one can be “out” in one social setting but “closeted” in another.

“Coming out” means many things to many people and is an individual choice. When a person is ready to “come out,” as it were, is totally up to that person. My experience in the LGBTQ+ community has been that no one should “out” another person. 

As a Latino gay man, there are factors in our culture including religion, guilt, fear of rejection and the potential of being literally thrown out of the house and ostracized, that make it difficult to come out. My experience of coming out is somewhat different than the standard definition.

I was born and raised here in Lansing and practically nurtured by the Mexican and Latino community. My parents were culturally, politically and socially active within that community and in general. I come from a family of eight: six brothers and one sister. My sister, Rosa Lopez Killips, who is no longer with us, always knew I was gay and knew gay friends of mine. There was never an issue about my being gay.

I started dancing Mexican folkloric dance at the age of 6 for the Mexican Patriotic Committee’s Mexican Independence Celebration. My experiences performing and dressing up in the beautiful Mexican ensembles were exciting, and I felt a strong pride and connection to my Mexican and Latino community that I still do today. I knew I was different from most of the boys and men I knew, but I did not really know what that difference was. Keep in mind the stereotype that continues to exist today: Men who dance must be gay. I danced all of my life in elementary school, middle school, high school and of course during college at MSU. So friends who I grew up with, some older and some younger, tell me now that there were whispers behind my back. During different events, I was always put up front — speaking, dancing, emceeing — and people said, “Isn’t that guy gay?”

My father, the macho man that he was, was a member of a Mexican American baseball team called the Cardinales. He was even named MVP one year. Generally speaking, most young boys or men try to emulate their father. We are taught to across cultures and societies. It was mandatory that we attend all of those baseball games on Sunday. My experience was a bit different: on Saturdays my father would take me, my sister and others from our community to dance rehearsal. I was not told that I had to play baseball. No, my father took me to dance class. 

I never really thought about coming out. I had essentially been out most of my life. It was as an undergraduate at MSU, though, that I acknowledged and understood what being part of the LGBTQ+ community meant. That experience, without question, cemented my identity as a gay man, strong and proud.

I was never rejected by my family and friends or treated badly because of my sexual orientation. Was it talked about? Of course. I am still talked about today. But my sister and mother, who I had a very close relationship with, always encouraged me to dance, perform and just be who I was. So, in my experience, I was always “out” even before I understood what that meant.

I have been part of, advocating for and working within the LGBTQ+ community for over 30 years. It has given me the strength to stand up and face adversity, to advocate for others and make them feel welcomed and a part of a family, even if it isn’t their immediate family. All of my family have met my partners or close gay friends, all of whom have been welcomed into the family. It seems they all have gay friends that I do not know. 

Please do not misunderstand me. Being gay or otherwise part of the LGBTQ+ community is not easy, and we continue to be attacked. My experience is mine and mine alone. For too many, the experience of coming out is extremely negative and creates a lot of problems.

Despite religious doctrine or social norms, I am proud to be a gay man, part of a welcoming community, and of being an American of Mexican ancestry. I would not change a thing.